I warn you; this is one of those posts about BDSM and my vag I’ve been threatening to write about.

Lately I’ve been feeling a wee bit… toppy.  This is an unusual feeling for me.  I am such a sub.  There have been times that I have felt like the subbiest sub who evers subbed.  I just cannot get enough subtastic subbyness.  For the entirety of my sex life (all two years of it!)  I’ve felt this bottomless pit of hunger for being dominated that just was not ever filled.  Ever.

Until now.

The Boyfriend, who shall henceforth be referred to as Watson for no real reason except that it amuses me, is a top.  A very lovely, very toppy top who loves dominating me in bed.  I am getting my subby needs met!  AWESOME!  However, what I have now as a sort of “Wow, I was really dehydrated and now I have water, which is awesome, but now I realize that I am REALLY FUCKING HUNGRY.”

I should bring this up to Watson.  I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t brought this up to him, as I’m pretty sure he’d at least entertain the idea.  I think a lot of it has to do with performance anxiety; subbing can be really difficult physically and emotionally, but with topping you have to like, know what you’re doing or some shit.  I don’t really know what I’m doing.  This whole BDSM is so new to me!  And Watson has expressed little interest in bottoming.  I mean, I expressed little interest in SM, and we all see where that ended up (well, you don’t, but trust me.  It ended up in rather masochistic places that I had no idea I’d find myself), but then again, he knows what he is doing and I definitely do not.  Also, being a top is a major thing to him, but it’s not as much to me (I don’t think) and what if he doesn’t like it?  I don’t want to do it at all if he doesn’t like it!  Performance anxiety!

Seriously though, I should have this conversation to him except whining at my blog.  But, well, no reason I can’t do both, right? xD



Filed under BDSM, Ranty McRant Rant, Sexy sexy sex, TMI, Trying to Figure Shit Out, Written with alcohol in my system

2 responses to “Switcharoo

  1. I totally sympathize with top-related performance anxiety. :/ I have no idea of what I’m supposed to do a lot of the time! I know what turns me on in porn, but usually it’s kind of fuzzy things (“I like dominance that’s loving, and fucked-up power dynamics”) and I don’t know how to bring it to real life a lot of the time. 😛

  2. Dominance that’s loving and fucked up power dynamics. Yes. This is my favorite. At least what I like from the bottom, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I’d go for on the top too. I just. I have no idea what to do!! And topping a top, I mean, that’s even more nerve wracking, for some reason.

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