When it comes to relationships, I’m usually pretty good with insecurity. A lot of the times I can tell it’s irrational and sit down with a book or go to my SO for cuddles until it goes away. But with the date of Sam(formerly known as Watson. What? I changed my mind!)’s departure to the Icy North, and thus the change of our relationship dynamic from Living Together to Long Distance coming up fast, I’m starting to get more and more… twitchy.
This weekend he went out of town to visit his parents, which was cool. I have no problem being separated from him for an extended period of time (obviously) and he hadn’t been able to go down for his birthday. The only problem is, we hardly talked this whole weekend. No phone calls and a bare handfull of texts. We were going to play Neverwinter Nights, but that didn’t end up happening between one or the other of us passing out around midnight. Since soon, texting and internet are going to be our only methods of communication, this kind of worries me. He tells me he doesn’t like long phone calls or skype chats talking about nothing because apparently this happened in other long distance relationships of his. The very thought of long phone calls with no end in sight and no way to escape makes him break out into hives, which I totally understand. However… this near silence has given my brain room to kick into Insecurity Overdrive.
I worry that, when he moves away, all I’ll hear from him is sparse internet messages. I worry that he’s lost interest in me. I know I’ve been more insecure these past couple of weeks with the departure date coming up, and I worry that I’m just too hysterical or unreasonable or irrational for him to want to bother with me anymore. We’ve had some Serious Relationship Talks, and I worry about us maybe devolving into having a relationship crisis every three days like my last relationship. I feel like he’s getting distant and that scares me. I feel like I’m being utterly unreasonable and that that will drive him away. I worry that there is something bothering him that he’s not telling me. I worry, I worry, I worry……
I really just need to calm the fuck down.