Today, in Online Dating

I just had a conversation with some guy on Popular Online Dating Site. He’s cute in a nerdy kind of way, has tattoos of Fullmetal Alchemist arrays on his wrists (Shut UP. I thought it was kind of cute, okay?) After actually talking to him, however, it became increasingly apparent that we were not, erm, “meant to be”.

Fanboy: hi! You seem like a person who.. well would be nice to chat with. You come off as very active and are apparently a super nerd which is awesome ๐Ÿ˜€ Care for a plausable friend ? lol

A “plausible” friend? Doesn’t he mean “possible”? Whatever, not that big a deal, right?

Shora:I love friends ๐Ÿ™‚
Shora:you seem pretty cool yourself ๐Ÿ˜›

Fanboy:Nah, it’s just the tattoos and piercings, very miss leading.

I guess he DID warn me. (also, misleading is one word gah)

(Blah blah blah tattoos blah blah FMA blah blah blah)

Fanboy:hmmmm oo.O how goes your luck on this silly thing anyway. I forgot to ask..

Shora:had a relationship over the summer with someone I met off here

I’m going to run to him with this conversation saying “Look at this idiot I found on Online Dating Site!” when you put your foot in your mouth in 3….2….1….

Fanboy:It’s amusing that you don’t let yourself be a toy to fellas which is rare since most gals who are very dorky tend to lean into that role >.>

It’s at this point that I’m starting to figure out that maybe I don’t want to be talking to this person. Like at all. But Shora’s silly brain takes this moment to go “But wait! Maybe, if I’m very calm, he’ll realize what he said was actually kind of horrible, and I can resume liking the cute nerdy boy with long hair and cuteness!”

Ha. Haha. Ha. Ha.

Shora:what do you mean let myself be a toy? xD

Fanboy:Sleep around with folks

Shora:-raises eyebrow- why would that make me a toy?
Shora:maybe THEY’RE the toys xDDDD

Fanboy:mmm the way most guys are no :p
Fanboy:who ever gets the short end of the stick is the toy lol

Shora:what if there’s no short end (tee hee, punny)

“You seem like the kind of girl that doesn’t sleep around with folks!” “PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT honey, I don’t know what to tell you buuuuuut”

So what we got here is that girls who sleep around are sluts (don’t think for a second that I didn’t automatically translate “toys” into “dumb sluts” in my head. I haven’t been a sex pos feminist since yesterday.) Guys are all animals who use girls, and in casual sex, someone is always being used. At this point I’m still trying to subtly point out that I don’t agree with what he’s saying, without being a Humorless Feminist and booting him and the benefit of the doubt out the window. No, I don’t know why I bothered either.

Fanboy: :p I know fellas with 12 inches of short end who have a very short end booyah!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Shora: ๐Ÿ˜›

Yes, ๐Ÿ˜› when used in this context does translate to “….what the fuck does that even mean?”

Fanboy:Anyway lol my standards are insanely higher.. so there always is a short end

Shora:what do you mean by standards?

Fanboy:Too many friends -.-‘ who do such silly things
Fanboy:Standards in general as a whole for almost anything

Shora:that didn’t answer my question, silly

Fanboy:It did, mention something
Fanboy:In specific and ask if it had a standard o.O
Fanboy:Not many things that do not have standards for me

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? Seriously, I don’t even know what the fuck this guy is talking about. Does he mean standards about not fucking slutty McSlut Sluts? Or something else? I’m sure I haven’t a fucking clue, and this line of conversation was making my head hurt, so I just moved on to something else I found problematic.

Shora: what do you mean there’s always a short end?
Shora: a short end of what? how?
Fanboy:Well in the case of what we were chatting about..
Fanboy: Typically with dating sites gals end up fooling around at some point

Shora: heaven forfend

Snark much? Yea, I’m starting to get a little sick of this guy.

Fanboy: Thing is.. it more than not ends up being that she gets the short end :p and winds up blowing some time with great guys, or even.. fooling around with great guys.
Fanboy: The person’s standard ends up being so low..
FAnboy: They think “great” sex is.. ๐Ÿ˜ก

…is what? Bad, good? Worthwhile, enough for them for where they are in life? And evil deed that they can’t resist? Are they fooling themselves that that great sex they just had is great, when it actually isn’t? Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!?

Fanboy: It’s not always the case but jeez -.- when it hapepns. Guys do it too!
Fanboy: They sleep with some chick.. end up getting a stupid image of a relationship so they stop trying.. they get screwed over so they don’t give a decent chick a chance..

Shora: so girls who “fool around” automatically wouldn’t be open to a relationship if the opportunity came along?

Fanboy: in most cases it’s come to it.
Fanboy: Same for guys too..

This line of thinking seems to be based on several assumptions: 1. Casual sex is bad. 2. People look at their casual sex experiences and think “This is what a relationship looks like! Fuck that, I’m gonna keep doing the same thing (casual sex) and getting the same results (unfulfilled desires)! Because that makes sense! 3. “Decent” people always deserve a chance just for being decent. 4. The only reason someone would turn down a relationship with a “decent” person is because there is something wrong with them because they had casual sex. It certainly would have nothing to do with a. not wanting a relationship at all and b. not wanting a relationship with that person.

Foreshadowing; 3. and 4. will rear their ugly heads soon enough

Shora: so what kind of girl do you think I am then?

FAnboy: No clue to be frank.

Really!? Color me shocked.

FAnboy:I don’t assume, I go based off what i know to be true :p

Shora:Your experience with sex and dating are very different then mine
Shora:also your opinions

Fanboy:o.O this aren’t opinions these are facts ._. More than not a person who fools around tends to be left with a bad taste in their mouth.

-_-;; That word “fact”. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

Fanboy: Not always..

Shora: Facts huh

Fanboy: Though it’s mostly based on the person’s mentallity though…
Fanboy: They don’t put effort into picking a decent person..
FAnboy: What have you heard more..
Fanboy: a chick finding a guy she loves or a chick finding a guy who screws her over.
Fanboy:nevermind /\_/\ lol

Nevermind! I see you are not impressed with my stunning analysis of the dating game, or with my ability to only account for my own experiences and call them facts! So silly, lol, let’s talk about something that doesn’t make you think I’m an idiot.

Um, how about not

Shora: Hmmm, so what would you think of a girl with “fools around” and is perfectly happy doing so?

Fanboy: Like I told you I don’t assume..


Fanboy: It depends on the person’s situation
Fanboy:I can tell you what’s definitely more likely and happens to most people..
Fanboy:Doesn’t make it any bit true though.. lol

Shora: I just find your definition of the word “fact” very interesting

Fanboy: Is it not true that a person more than not gets screwed over in the dating scene.
Fanboy: I can only tell you 100% over situations I’ve seen and been in my self.. with friends I’ve helped out, friends who vented, gals I fooled around with and gals I’ve dated.. though it’s a mixed results sort of thing.. since I like very different types of people.

I can tell you that I am perfectly capable of taking my own experience an calling it fact, and of using any weak evidence you give as a “gotcha!” that proves that I, as usual, am always right.

Shora:Well I mean. Sure, I’ve gotten screwed over a lot by dating



Shora: everyone has, its the nature of the beast

Fanboy:That’s all I said.
Fanboy:It’s the truth that it happens more than not.

Shora: but that doesn’t actually prove your point that girls fooling around are so silly and lowing thier standards and are toys getting the short end of the stick?

Fanboy: What I was saying from the begining was you came off as a person who wouldn’t let them selves get screwed over.. though excuse me for saying you seem intelligent -.-‘

That’s actually not what you said. What you said was “Wow,you don’t seem like a dumb slut like those OTHER girls, you know what i mean, the ones who “let” themselves be “toys”.

And yes, I must be mad at you for calling me intelligent. Clearly. It can’t have anything to do with the fact that you were slut shaming pretty much off the bat and telling me how “smart” I am for not sleeping around…. when I sleep around. I can’t believe i didn’t see it sooner.

Fanboy: Woah woah woah.. I never said that
Fanboy: One’s standard of sex is only as high as the best partner you’ve had and your ability to teach your self.

Once again, I don’t really understand what he’s trying to say here, and this is getting long. Let’s skip to the end shall we?

Fanboy: See at this moment.. one thing I can be certain of..
Fanboy: is you’ve had at least one massively jack ass fella in your life since you keep assuming I mean something else or taking what I say as more than what it’s worth ._.

Shora:Yes, that must be it

It can’t possibly be that you’re being a jackass, can it? It can’t mean that me misunderstanding you is not actually my fault, but the fault of the person who can barely string the sentences together to say what he means? No, some guy made my silly ladybrain act all silly, and now you, the poor, innocent, decent (dare I say, Nice?) guy is getting all the blame, when you sad nothing wrong. Don’t you just love mansplaining?

Fanboy: Well I’m carefully selecting what I say.. ._.
Fanboy: You keep stating otherwise from what I say o.O

Shora: Something you should know about me; I am a sex-positive feminist

Fanboy: Okay and?
Fanboy: So is my queer best friend ._.

I also have a black friend, which means I can tell racist jokes!

Shora: What that means is that, among other things, I think that sex, when done right, can be positive and awesome and cool
Shora:what it allso means is that I abhor slut shaming

Fanboy:That’s what I’ve been saying from the begining dude.


Fanboy: okay..?
Fanboy: See like I said.. you go assuming other than what I’ve been saying lol
Shora: [quotes earlier in the conversation when he says i’m so awesome for not sleeping around]
Shora: that is slut shaming
Fanboy: nope.
Fanboy: You didn’t bother following up to ask what I mean specifically by it.
Fanboy: During intimate sex a fella calling a gal “dirty fucking bitch” is also slut shaming.. if you take it out of context…
Fanboy: Dude if you want to keep your head in your ass and assume all guys who talk about sex are asshole by all mean.
Fanboy: Though if you care to BOTHER to ask me what I mean when I say something
Fanboy: feel free, I’m more than happy to keep chatting, clearly state what I was talking about and avoid confusion..

So I can continue to want to pull my hair out as you move goalposts, do verbal acrobatics, mansplain, and make sweeping generalizations and call them “facts” all while insinuating that I’m just dumb for not understanding what you’re REALLY trying to say? You know, that really … but I just can’t quite put my finger on it…..

I’ll pass, thanks.

Fanboy: Though there’s a fine line between assuming some jack ass in your past said something fucking idiotic and you assuming the same from a fella who was giving you props for being as open as you were.
Fanboy:So excuse me for taking what I said absolutely in the 180 manner.

If you leave, it will just PROVE that you’re stupid and are unfairly comparing me to some jackass, which means I’ll be right, haha! Sorry dude, I’ve played this game before. I actually really don’t care if you think I’m a deluded uptight bitch, I just want to stop talking to you.

Shora: well, you are right about one thing. You do sound a lot like a jackass from my past. I don’t think this is just some crazy random happenstance, so I’m out. Peace.

Fanboy: dimwit.

Ohhhhh, buuuuurn. Honestly, I am just cut to the quick by your rapier wit.

Really though, near the end this conversation was pretty much exactly like talking to my first ex. If I let myself, I could have meandered along for hours in a hedge maze of bad logic and personal attacks if I dared disagree. Part of my just wanted to flay him some more, like a troll on manboobz, but sometimes a girl’s just got to know when to disengage and go rant about someone on her blog ๐Ÿ˜‰


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6 responses to “Today, in Online Dating

  1. So you have a feminist blog, can’t think of anything to say, create a personal blog and end up talking about sex-positivity in the first entry. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Seriously, though, that dude is a slut-shaming douche. I am also seeing giant red flags in terms of the anger about being misunderstood. It reminds me of an asshole ex of mine, who became rather controlling and verbally abusive with his friends because he assumed that anyone who disagreed with him was attacking him. The ability to take disagreement well is vital in a boyfriend. For instance, if you had actually misunderstood him, a sensible person would be like “wait, do you think I’m saying X? I’m actually saying Y, but I can see where you were mistaken” instead of assuming you think he’s an asshole.

    Also! Nag, nag, write for NSWATM, nag, nag, your thoughts are interesting and welcomed, nag, nag, our comment section has been much better lately, nag. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. >.> <..> I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about ozy.

    And yea, that guy! I’ve dated him too! I dated him for 2 1/2 years! Is that a nerd boy thing? I think it might be. No, it definitely is, because in my experience and the experiences of my friends, 100% of guys who display this behavior are nerd boys. It’s a Fact!

    Seriously though, after dealing with that shit for an extended period of time, I’m just not interested in having these meandering, ridiculous conversations with people I am trying to date. Like I said, I don’t care if you think I’m a Bitchy Humorless Feminazi. Just do it over there where I don’t have to talk to you.

    I *might* have a post in mind for NSWATM. The thing is, I feel about writing for NSWATM is a lot like how I feel about writing a feminist blog; Someone else has already said it, and better. But i think this idea I have might be somewhat worthwhile ๐Ÿ˜›

  3. Omega_Dork

    That guy was really confusing. Anyway, you are too educated for him.

  4. Why, thank you Omega ๐Ÿ™‚

    And yea, half the time I didn’t even know what he was going on about. really just best to disengage and move on

  5. Yeah, well, I have two girlfriends AND a boyfriend, so some people need to be taking up my slack with NSWATM. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Hmm… assuming it is a Nerd Boy thing, I think it’s because of social awkwardness making us unable to tell apart “person is disagreeing with me” and “person is mad at me.” I know I have some difficulty with that myself… you have to phrase disagreement well with me or I’ll cry and assume that it’s all my fault and/or disengage from the conversation.

  6. This is why we need the engine nag nag nag I need to hear about your polyness! nag nag nag. Nag.

    I think a lot of it is social awkwardness, but not all of it. When someone gets mad at you, you get sad! You do not turn into a Raging Asshole. These guys, for some reason, do. Maybe it’s just because they are raging assholes who are also nerds….

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