The other day I got into a knock-out drag out argument with some guy on facebook. I might go into it in detail later if I feel like it, but at some point he threw out the horrendous analogy above.
And it got me thinking…
A couple weeks ago, I met a guy on OK Cupid. He’s a really cool guy; great to talk to, fun to chill with, good in bed, GGG, and just generally a pleasant person to be around, but I didn’t really want to be in a Relationship (with Monogamy!) with him. I told him this about a week in and he was cool with that, so since then we’ve been enjoying a wonderfully uncomplicated friends with benefits relationship.
Last night I went to a party, got pretty drunk, and rung him up for a booty call. We ended up back at my place and we were both hungry, so we made dinner. We cuddled and chatted about nothing particular while we ate and then put our dishes aside and set about enjoying each other properly. He told me to let my hair down, that I was sexier that way, and that I was silly for feeling self conscious when it got frizzy. We fucked until six o’clock in the morning. I’m on my period, so I’d bled all over him during the first round. He didn’t care in the least and round two commenced shortly thereafter. We fell asleep cuddling, sated and exhausted.
This morning we woke up, cuddled sleepily, and just kind of…. played is the only word I can use to describe it. He poked and tickled me, heartily amused at the noises I made, and I retaliated in earnest. He promised sushi and more sex for my birthday tomorrow, and left to meet up with a friend he had plans with.
I suppose you could say my friend is “getting the milk for free” but that would be an absurd misunderstanding of what is going on here. Sex, respect, and affection are all freely given here, not stingily withheld, only to be traded for the highest price. It seems that lately people in my life have been coming out of the woodwork to bleat about how the sexual marketplace works, and how I need to “respect myself” and not “sell myself short” and I’m completely baffled by it all. The “Economy of Sex” has absolutely no reflection on how my life actually works, and I have trouble understanding why anyone would ever want it to.
Map of the Problematic 
I completely agree, Shora. The sexual marketplace model of sexual relationships is bullshit. I think it relates to the commodification of all areas of human endeavor– under a capitalist/consumerist system, a lot of people think things don’t have worth unless they have a price tag attached. So human relationships are reduced to a simple economic exchange.
It’s really sad though, as well as frustrating. How can you properly enjoy interacting with people if you’re always putting a price tag on them?
Relationships, especially romantic ones, are abstract and visceral. You can’t boil them down to concrete terms like money or numbers and still keep the essence of them. You just can’t 😛 And I kind of want to shake people who do xD
This is based purely on anecdotal evidence, but there seems to be a tendency among people who believe in the “sexual marketplace” concept to apply its (alleged) results, which are by nature macro statements about large scale trends, to individual people such as yourself. It’s sort of a reverse forest for the trees: they have a model that (allegedly) describes how people act on average, and I get the feeling that a lot of these discussions involve people applying these average actions and motivations to everyone within their model.
I wonder if the “people in your life” are doing this, although I really have no way of knowing.
Cooool. Glad your not-a-Relationship works on so many levels. Maybe a case of the cow drinking the milk ?
jnakabb:
1. Is this sarcasm?
2. If so, what’s the point?\
3. What does “cow drinking the milk” even mean?
Never sarcasm – my apologies if my attempt to turn a trite phrase caused offence.
“Cow drinking the milk” was supposed to suggest both that there’s plenty of affection and fun to go around – it’s not a one-way transaction with only your friend getting a limited supply of benefits. In fact, it’s more of a feedback loop – you both had a great time together, which puts you in a better frame of mind to continue to enjoy each others’ company – WIN:WIN !
Aha! That makes sense! Sorry for the earlier snappishness 😛