Clarisse Thorn talks about rejection. But more than that, she talks about how sometimes it’s difficult to have a strong outlook on life (like being a sex positive feminist) when it drives away people you actually like.
When dissenters crop up and tell us sex pozzies that no quality man will ever want us and we will surely die alone with a used up vagina and so many cats, we often blithely wave our hands (and roll our eyes) and say that there are plenty of people who will accept us for who they are and if they don’t, well, we don’t want them anyway.
And that’s true! But some days it’s more true than others. I recently lost friends because they didn’t approve of how I conduct my sex life. I’m dealing with a guy I hooked up with months ago treating me like a piece of meat and/or a toy and/or an easy fuck. I’m constantly, constantly around people who slut shame all the time and on the (somewhat rare) occasions that I call them out on it they feed me some bullshit version of “Oh, you’re just being too sensitive.”
It’s not easy, is what I’m saying.
For a while the sex positive thing just made so much sense to me that I didn’t think that anyone wouldn’t agree with it. I mean, I guess I knew that some people out there would take exception, I suppose, but certainly know one I knew or cared about. I lived in a kind of sex positive bubble, having lots of sex with great gusto while practicing honest communication and safe sex. It was hard when I had that bubble burst on me, and like Clarisse, I had a brief period of doubt. After all, many people I thought perfectly nice had a lot of sex-negative views, and did I REALLY want to be looked down on as a slut by all of my peers? Even my flatmate has said (maybe not in so many words) that she looks down on my sexual activities.
The I spent time with my best friends. Then I had long conversations with Andy that bolstered my resolve. Then I had a lot of discussions with good friends who were willing to listen to the things I was saying. Then I found more people who thought a little more like me and who far from judging me applauded my adventures.
There will always be people who disapprove and delight in passing judgement. But, also, there will always be like minded people who will support me and be there for me and share in my stories be they hilarious or exciting or painful. And there will also always be the knowledge that this life style and this ideology are so undeniably right for me and just make me a better, happier person. That knowledge is like, the best thing in the world.